self-connection and addiction
I think about checking if anyone have commented on the story I’ve put out. I reach for the phone. I pause.
“why do I want to check instagram now?” I ask myself.
“because there might be someone that have commented. Someone I am supposed to connect with today”, my mind answers.
I reflect on that answer. I find it a reasonable answer.
I continue the enquiry one level further.
0: “why do you want to connect with someone right now?”
1: “because I like to connect and exchange thoughts with other humans. I like to be social”
That is also a reasonable answer.
0: “Why do you like to be social?”
1: “It makes me not feel alone”
0: “Are you alone?”
1: “Yes and no. I’m always in the company of myself, but still, sometimes I feel alone”
0: “Why?”
1: “I don’t know”
I look out the window. A blonde middle-aged woman stand up from her chair and smile, while speaking some words to her dark-haired friend who’s sitting comfortably at her chair enjoying a black coffee.
0: “Why do you feel alone?”
The same voice continues;
“You’re never alone, you always have me with you. I comfort you when you need it. I am your father, I am your mother. I give you what you need, when you need it. If you ask me for anything sincerely, you will have it.
1: “So, if I ask for company, I will get company?”
“Yes. That means, when you are physically alone, like now in this café, and you receive an impulse that wants you to check instagram, to feel less alone, you don’t need to check instagram. You are never alone. You can check instagram later. Now you can enjoy your/my own company instead. It’s so nice.”
“Yes, you’re right. It is nice“
